“What the hell do you think you’re doing!” I heard a familiar voice say.
I carefully dropped the weights I was lifting, sat myself up, and turned around to see one pathetic looking little nerd standing there behind me, barely able to contain the fact that he was trembling.
“I’m working out. What the fuck does it look like I’m doing?” I said confidently and deliberately.
“Working out!” the nerd said, “Ha! You don’t know the first thing about working out! You’ve probably never even worked out a day in your life! You think just because you have my body now, you know how to work out? Well, it’s a lot harder than it looks, buddy! If you don’t give me my body back, it won’t be long before you lose all of those muscles anyway. It takes hard work to maintain a body like that!”
“Oh really,” I said, “I don’t know anything about working out? And I suppose you do…?”
“I’ve been working out since I was fourteen years old!” the nerd said, “Fuck! I know more about working out and staying in shape than you ever will, you pathetic little freak! Now give me my body back!”
“OK,” I said, “I’ll give you your body back. But first, why don’t you tell me. What are the best exercises to make your chest look like this?”
I stood up from the bench, placed my hands on my hips and pumped up my pecs in an intimidating display.
“And, do you have any advice on how to get your biceps to look like this?”
Keeping my pecs flexed, I raised an arm and tightened my bicep into a mountainous peak.
“I –” the nerd stumbled, “I – of course I do. I’m the one who built that body. I’m the one who made it look so good.”
“But,” I said, relaxing a bit and letting my heavy muscles fall, although they still stayed pumped up and tight, “Supposing I asked you to give me some specific exercises? And asked you the exact diet it took? Would you have any idea about that?”
“I… don’t know,” said the nerd, dumbfounded, “I don’t know! I mean, I should know! I should fucking know this shit! What the fuck have you done to me!”
“I didn’t do anything,” I said, “At least, not intentionally. All I thought that spell would do was swap our bodies. I’ll admit it, I didn’t know shit about lifting weights when I first walked in here with your body. But then I just started doing stuff, and I just started knowing stuff. And the more I do, the more I know!”
“No!” said the nerd, “You can’t take that from me! Please, give that back to me! Keep my body, but at least give me back what I know about working out and everything. I could start working out in your body, I could at least make myself look a little bit better. But, please! You can’t just leave me with nothing!”
“Sorry, pal,” I said, laying back down on the bench and returning to the weights, “I don’t know how to do that.”
I started lifting again as he stood there watching me. I grunted every so often just like he used to do when he was working out, as sweat started to soak my shirt.
“Get outta here, dweeb,” I finally said as I finished a set, “Why don’t you just face it? The gym’s no place for you any more.”