“Darren!” I said, “What are you doing?! You can’ be eating shit like that any more!”
“Huh?” he said, stuffing another big fork full of Hershey’s cream pie in his mouth, “What’s the big deal?”
“What’s the big deal!?” I said, swiping the pie away from him, “I went through all this god damn work to get you my hunky roommate’s body, and this is how you treat it? Fuck no, man! If you don’t watch it, you’re gonna end up just like you used to be – fat, out of shape, and always wishing that you could have a better body! Have you even been to the gym today?”
“Um, no…” said Darren, “But I was gonna go later – I swear!”
“God, Darren!” I said, “I’m so fucking mad at you. I thought it would be so cool having my best friend inside of that hot body. You know, maybe we could have finally been something. But it’s like you’re just throwing it away! I swear to god, if you don’t start treating that body the right way, I’m gonna swap you guys back.”
“I’m… sorry,” said Darren, “Look, I’m trying really hard. This is just kind of a big change for me. Eating all that healthy shit and making myself drink protein shakes and go to the gym and everything, I just have to get used to it.”
“Well I hope you get used to it a little bit quicker,” I said, turning away, “Or else you can just kiss that body goodbye!”