I Can’t Stand It

 
God fucking damn it! I am so tired of seeing my dad walk around the house in my body, dressed in hardly anything, just so he can flaunt it in front of me. I can’t fucking stand it! God, he just loves being a teenager again, and yeah it’s not like I was a bodybuilder or anything, but he really gets turned on by my body, I can just fucking tell! And meanwhile, here I am stuck in his body – dying to tell him exactly how I feel, wishing like hell that I could find a way to swap back with him – and yet he’s fucking made it so that all I have to act like his father.

“You really ought to put some more clothes on, son,” I hear myself saying with a fatherly sternness.

“Yeah, whatever, Dad!” he says back to me with a smug little smirk, “Oh, and hey, by the way – how are you liking performing all of your husbandly duties with Mom, huh?”

I struggle to find an answer. Fuck! He’s made it so that I have to sleep with my own mother, how the fuck does he think I feel about that? Still, I feel myself looking over the tops of my glasses with a look of disappointment.

“Jonathan,” I say, “I’ve told you we don’t talk about those things. That’s between your mother and I.”

He cocks his head, oh so fucking pleased with himself because I answered just the way I was supposed to, even though those words weren’t my own. Then, I watch him go off into his room – no my room! – probably to jack off, and then maybe call up his girlfriend – no, my girlfriend! Oh my god! Please, will somebody help me? I can’t fucking stand this any more!

The Construction Site

Strolling by the construction site near my office one evening, I was shocked to see what at first to be one of the construction workers unconscious and slumped over one of the huge tires of a tractor. Letting my curiosity get the best of me, I stepped off the sidewalk, through the wire fence, and cautiously towards the construction worker. As I looked down at him, I realized that I had noticed this same guy earlier when I was walking to work. I mean, how could you forget a guy like that? He was the ideal construction worker personified – big, beefy muscles, totally built for hard labor, and a rough, masculine face that made him look like he wasn’t gonna take no shit from nobody. It was odd, actually, because it seemed like all of the workers on this site were that way. All of the women in my office joked about how lucky I was to have a view of the construction from my office window. Of course, I never told them that I took every opportunity I could to watch those hot, sweaty guys lifting big, heavy things.

As I stood there, I noticed something strange. The man didn’t seem to be breathing. In fact, something seemed really off about him. He didn’t seem alive. I reached out to place a hand on his shoulder and quickly pulled back. His skin! It didn’t feel like skin! It felt strange and cold and…. rubbery. I reached out again, but as I put my hand on his shoulder this time, his whole body slid off the tire, collapsing on the ground in what looked like a heap of flesh.

“I knew it!” I said.

I had always suspected this company of picking up illegal workers, and then stuffing them inside these construction worker body suits, but how could you prove something like that? Well, for whatever reason, one of those workers had left his suit carelessly discarded on the construction site – and I wasn’t about to let this opportunity pass me by!

Acting quickly, I dragged the heavy suit behind the tractor, stripping out of my suit and tie as I did so. I stood naked with the suit in my hands as I searched for the seam in the back. Finding it at the base of the neck, I inserted my fingers and started to peel open a large slit in the suit’s back. The inside was completely hollow – perfect for stepping right inside! I hastily pulled it on, just like a pair of coveralls, feeling the seam seal itself back up as I pressed everything into place, roughly pushing the suit’s muscles to line up with my scrawny body underneath. I aligned the face over my own, loving the way my big, work-worn hands felt against my rough beard. With a few final adjustments, I looked down at myself and was greeted with a beefy, hairy chest, a furry set of six-pack abs, and some huge-ass arms! I even had a tattoo on one of my shoulders!

My heart was pounding as I peered around the corner. Could I really do this? Could I really just walk all the way back to my apartment looking like this? I looked at my button-up shirt, which I had discarded on the ground. I let out a deep grunt of a chuckle.

“No way that’s gonna fit me now,” I said in a deep, rumbling voice, “Ah, fuck it!”

I stepped out confidently from behind the tractor, taking a deep breath and feeling the masculinity of the suit rushing over me. Yeah, I was probably gonna turn a few heads, but fuck! I was just gonna have to get used to that now.

“Guess I won’t be comin’ into work tomorrow!” I said, looking up at my office building and feeling amused at the thought of showing up at the construction site tomorrow instead and spending the whole day just getting used to what these big new muscles could do.

“Heck,” I thought to myself, “Maybe I won’t be comin’ back to work ever! I’m built for hard labor now, man, not some pansy-ass office job!”

Activation: Failed

 
“Oh shit!” said Austin, frantically inserting quarters into the payphone and dialing the number, “Come on, come on, come on!”

He looked completely out of place standing there at the payphone in a bad part of town, in the middle of the day, and dressed only in a pair of tiny black briefs. Sure, he had a hot body, but this was no place to be showing it off. Payphones were hard to come across any more, and with his cell phone dead and time running extremely short, he had no choice.

“Come on! Pick up!” he screamed into the phone.

“Thank you for calling the Activation Line,” greeted the pre-recorded voice system, “Please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed. For new activations, please say ‘New Activations.’ For extensions to current activations, please say ‘Extensions.’ To speak with a customer service representative –”

“Extensions!” said Austin, “Extensions!”

“I’m sorry,” the voice system responded, “I didn’t understand you. Please say your command again.”

“Extensions!” said Austin, as clearly as he could.

“Got it. Extensions. Please speak your current sixteen-digit rental number, or dial it on the keypad, followed by the pound sign.”

“I don’t know it!” said Austin, “I don’t have it with me!”

“I’m sorry,” said the voice system, “I didn’t understand you. Please speak your current sixteen-digit rental number, or dial it on the keypad, followed by the pound sign. If you do not have a current rental number, please say ‘New Activations.’”

“No!” said Austin, “No, no, no!”

He felt the suit become suddenly tight around him and heard a faint beeping sound coming from the transponder inside the back of the suit’s neck. He reached back, attempting to silence it, but it only got louder and faster.

“Shit!” he said, slamming the receiver against the phone booth.

“I’m sorry,” he heard the voice system say, “I didn’t understand you. Activation: Failed. Goodbye.”

Austin felt his body go rigid, his hand still tightly gripping the phone as his lost control and tumbled solidly to the ground. The suit had gone into full shut-down mode, and thanks to the transponder in the back of its neck, a collection team would be on the way shortly to manually re-activate  it – and no doubt charge Austin a hefty late fee.

In the meantime, all he could do was lay there on the ground, completely motionless.

“Damn it!” he thought to himself, “I should have kept my fucking eye on the time!  Next time I rent one of these things, I’m gonna have to shell out for an Automatic Extension, that’s for damn sure!”

Have You Seen My Son?

“Excuse me, sir,” said Karen, “Have you seen my son? He was here just a second ago, and –”

“Mommy?” interrupted the burly, hairy-chested man sitting in the water, “Mommy, I feel funny. My skin is really itchy, and I feel big!”

“I’m sorry?” said Karen, getting a strange feeling in her stomach, “Sir? I’m sorry. I was just looking for my son. I swear, he was right here just a second ago –”

“I am your son, Mommy!” said the big man, “I’m Caleb! And I live at 2117 Maple Street, and my phone number is 272-7606, and my Mommy’s name is Karen, and my Daddy’s name is David. And… – Mommy, I feel weird!”

“Listen, sicko!” said Michelle, “How the hell do you know all of that!? Now you listen here, if you did something with my son, I swear to god, I will –”

“Mommy!” said the man, bursting into tears, “What’s wrong with me! Stop yelling at me! I want my bear-bear!”

“Oh my god…” said Karen, pausing and kneeling down to look into the stranger’s masculine face, “That’s what Caleb calls his teddy bear. How could you know that…? Unless… Caleb? Is that really you”

“It’s me, Mommy!” said Caleb, “I promise! I was sitting here, and I got real itchy, and then all of this hair got on me and I got really big everywhere…”

“Oh my god!” said Karen, “My baby! Everybody told me not to take you here because that big factory up the shore was dumping chemicals in the water. But, stupid me, I didn’t want to drive an extra twenty minutes to the other beach. Oh my god! What have I done to my baby!”

“I’m still your baby, Mommy!” said Caleb, who, to all outside appearances, was anything but. Still, his face reflected a certain childhood innocence, the tears having quickly dried away, “Mommy, can we go home now?”

He awkwardly stood up on his adult legs, wobbling a bit as he got used to his impressive new frame. He now easily towered over his mother.

“Yes, Caleb,” gulped Karen, “I think we ought to go home now… And then we’re going to call the doctor, and then we’re going to get this all taken care of, ok?”

“OK, Mommy,” said Caleb, “Oh! Does this mean I don’t have to go to school tomorrow!?”

Totally Doing This Right

“Um, hey. Guys? Do any of us actually know how to, you know… exercise?” said Neil.

“Yeah,” said Leo, awkwardly raising an arm over his head, “It’s like I told you guys, you gotta stretch first. See? Like this.”

“I dunno,” said Bobby, laying on the ground, and moreso just feeling up his new muscles than doing any actual stretching, “I don’t think this is what you’re supposed to do. And shouldn’t we be wearing more clothes?”

“More clothes?” said Leo, “Bobby, that’s why we swapped bodies with these jocks in the first place! So we don’t have to be ashamed of our bodies any more and we can, like, show off all the time! Look at us! We’re like totally hot now! And they’re just the little nerds!”

“I don’t know,” said Neil, “Maybe we shoulda thought this out. I mean, yeah, we have these hot frat guys’ bodies now, but it seems like it’s gonna be a lot of work to keep them looking, well, hot… And I mean, I don’t even like exercising.”

“Guys, guys, guys!” said Leo, “Trust me. We’re gonna go to the gym, and we’re gonna be able to use all of those machines just fine. I mean, what could be so hard about it? We’re all smart guys! And we’ve got the perfect bodies now, so just trust me, okay? We’re totally doing this right!”

A New Truck

“I told my son I wasn’t gonna get him no new truck for graduation, ‘specially if he didn’t keep his grades up and kept goin’ out with his friends goofin’ off instead of payin’ attention to his schoolwork. But, I’ll be damned, I went out and bought him one anyway. And I was gonna give it to him, too – until he let it slip to me that he was gonna skip the last week of classes and go down to Mexico with his buddies. Well, I told him hell no! The boy needs to learn some responsibility. He gotta learn that you don’t just get somethin’ for nothin’ in this world!

So, that’s why I swapped bodies with him. And that’s why I’m drivin’ this here new truck down to Mexico with his buddies next week, just like they all had planned – only not one of ‘em is gonna know it’s me here inside of Jake’s body. And Jake? Well, he’s gonna spend the whole week at home, goin’ to work every day in my body – and he knows he’d better do pretty damn good job, too, or else he can kiss this truck and his body goodbye!”

Not A Phase

 
“God, Jeremy has a hot little body. I mean, being his uncle, I never really got the chance to check it out the way that I wanted to. But now that I’m right inside of it, controlling its every move, I have a feeling I’m going to be able to ‘check it out’ in ways that I never even imagined. It’s a shame he doesn’t have any cute little underwear though. I had to roll these damn boxer briefs up just to show a little bit of skin. Maybe I’ll have to ask his parents to buy some for me. Ha! Wouldn’t my wealthy, too-good-for-me brother, Sam, and his lovely trophy wife, Judy, just die if they knew it was me inside of here? And won’t they be so surprised when their precious little ‘son,’ the little tough-talkin’, all-the-way straight jock, starts asking for stuff like cute underwear and starts bringing his hot high school jock friends over to the house for a little bit more than just playing video games – if you know what I mean. I just hope they don’t think it’s a ‘phase,’ because I plan on staying in this body for a very, very long time!”

A Completely Different Guy

“Oh my god… look at this face!” said Andy, “Isn’t it adorable! And my body, Carl! Look at it! My skin – and these muscles? Look at me! I’ve got muscles, baby!”

“Yeah, Andy,” said Carl, “You look great. But I dunno. You just don’t look like… you.”

“Of course I don’t look like me!” said Andy, “That’s what this stuff was supposed to do – turn me into a completely different guy!”

“But, Andy,” said Carl, “I told you. I like you the way you are – Well, I mean, were. Now you look like some 20-year-old kid. That’s not the guy I fell in love with, Andy. And when is that stuff supposed to wear off, anyway?”

“Wear off?” said Andy, “Carl… I told you. It’s permanent. I mean, if you don’t like how I turned out, I could maybe get some more and turn into a different guy, but I don’t think I can ever go back to being the way I was before… I thought you would like this, Carl. And I was gonna surprise you. I have some left over, I thought maybe you could use it and we could both be young and hot together!”

“Andy!” said Carl, “Don’t you get it? That’s not what I want! I just want things back the way they were! If you’re telling me that that’s not gonna happen, then I don’t know. Maybe this isn’t going to work out any more.”

“Carl!” said Andy, suddenly feeling very alone in his handsome new body, “Please don’t leave me! I’m still the same guy on the inside, I promise!”

“You’re not getting it!” said Carl, hastily gathering his things and heading out the door, “You may be the same person on the inside, but to me it’s like looking at a stranger laying in your bed. I’m sorry, Andy, but I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding somebody else with that ‘adorable’ new body of yours.”

Got It, Rex?

“I know you can still fuckin’ hear me in there, Grant, so let me tell you something. You are going to quit acting like this right now, or trust me – I will do much, much worse than putting you in your dog’s body. How’d ya like to be a baby again, huh Grant? Or maybe a precious little girl? I could even make it so that you were forced to act like one, tea parties and pretty little blonde curls and all! Can’t imagine a tattooed-up, masculine guy like yourself would enjoy that too much. So are we clear? Now, I’m keeping you in your dog’s body so that I can have you around just in case I ever need you, but I’m going to be using your body for the time being and for as long as I fuckin’ want to. Got it, Rex? Now let’s get you home and see how you enjoy your first taste of dog food, and then I’m putting you in your kennel, putting on some of your leather gear and taking this body out for a spin!”

Getting The Hang Of It

 
“Man, my big brother didn’t think I could handle being in his body, having to shave every day and dealing ‘grown up’ stuff. But I have to say, I’m really getting the hang of it. I can even shave his goatee exactly like he used to. I think it’s kinda cool, actually, and his girlfriend seems to really like it – although she does like it when I got all the way clean-shaven sometimes too. She says it makes me look like a little boy. Ha! If only she knew!

Anyways, my big bro hasn’t really bothered me about giving his body back recently, either. Seems like he’s too busy watching cartoons and hanging out with my friends. It’s a little weird, I guess, but whatever. I mean, maybe he just likes being an 8-year-old kid again. If he ever asks about it, maybe I’ll think about switching back with him, but I dunno. I don’t know if I could really go back to being into that sort of stuff. Ah well, I think that looks good. Time for me to throw on some clothes and drive to work!”

Quick Visit

The girl turns and looks as the door opens; “"Oh hi Hun, you’re back early”, “Yeah, got a couple of hours off from the garage thought I’d pop back for for loving” the built guy give the girl a cheeky smile.

He leans in and gives her a kiss on the lips; long… She breaks off the kiss gasping, “Wow, what's got into you Harry?”, he laughs and leans forward to kiss her again.

She spots a necklace hanging from his neck, her eyes narrow; “Damn Harry! it’s not from that slut Sally is it?”, “No, no” the jock replies, but 'it’s too late as the girls yanks it from his neck.

“Fuck no” yells the guy as he runs out of the house, each second his clothes become more and more baggy. He stumbles and pulls up his jeans; already he’s swamped by the guys clothes as he slowly transforms back to his original form; Brandon the kid from next door.

Undercover Inspector

Kenny, a porter at the hotel was talking to a new guest at the hotel; "We're expecting an undercover guy from head office to check over the hotel, not sure when he's getting here, "Yeah I know" says the guest.

The young guy suddenly feels a cloth over his mouth and then it goes black..

The guest carries Kenny to the bed and strips him, and we see the guy climb into Kenny's body and get dressed.. looking in the mirror "Yeah this will do fine, can check out the rest of the staff and have some fun as well"