I Love This Shirt

"I've always loved the way this shirt looks on you, Dwayne," I said, "But I never imagined I'd be the one wearing it and looking so fucking hot in it!"

"Listen, you little shit!" said Dwayne, "First of all, I don't want you fucking going through my closet. That's my shit in there! And second of all, you are not going out in my body tonight! I thought you told me you were going to work on figuring out how to swap us back!"

"Uh, yeah. Right," I said, "That's just what I want to do -- go back to being a nerdy freshman who just happened to end up with a super-hunky roommate like yourself. I don't think so, you know? In fact, now that I've had some time to think about it, I really like things now that they're swapped around. Yeah, I won't get to go to school for Mathematics like my parents wanted me to -- and boy, would they be pissed if they ever found out that my schedule is loaded up with a whole bunch of super easy P.E. and general studies classes now, because that's all a dumb fuck like you can handle! But you know what, Dwayne? They're not ever going to find that out. You know why? Because you are going to pretend to be Devin Michaels from now on. And I am going to tell you all of the things that you need to know, and I am going to teach you how to be me so well that even my own parents won't be able to tell. And you're going to do the same for me. You're going to tell me everything I fucking need to know about being Dwayne Miller and living your easy, pretty boy life -- although I'm pretty sure I'll be able to coast through."

"You're fucking sick!" said Dwayne, "You know, I think you set this whole thing up on purpose! This was no fucking accident, was it!?"

"Ah," I said, smirking, "So you're not as dumb as I thought. But what are you going to fucking do about it, huh? You think anyone is going to believe you? Go on, tell someone that your nerdy roommate swapped bodies with you so that he could, for once, be happy with the way he looks and live a life that didn't involve staying in his room all the time working on schoolwork while everyone else was out having fun. You just go on and tell everyone that --that is, if you want them all to think you're fuckin' crazy! Now, like I said, I'm going out tonight. And I am wearing this shirt because I have always loved the way you look in it, and I know the way everyone will look at me when I'm wearing it -- and I'm gonna fuckin' love every second of it! So have a good night sitting at home by yourself, Devin, cuz that's what you're gonna have to get used to from now on. See ya!"