Robocaller

Have you ever been annoyed by those automatic calling systems? You know the ones that have a pause before the irritating robotic voice starts to drone. Brad referred to them as Robocallers because that is basically what they were.

“Hello, you have been selected….” Click.

“Hello, my name is Joe Smith and I’m calling to tell you why I’m voting for…” Click.

At first all he would do is hang up but it got so annoying that if a call came and he didn’t recognize the number or he wasn’t expecting a call he just wouldn’t answer. He figured if it was something important whoever was calling would leave a message and he would take the appropriate action.

This was his pattern until one day when for some unknown reason he picked up the phone on a number he didn’t know. As usual he heard “Congratulations. You have won…” he started to hang up when a sharp pain shot through his ear.

“What the fuck….” That was all he managed to spit out before he started to feel all jittery and restless. The next thing he was aware of, if you could call it that, he was being sucked through very tiny holes.

Shit I don’t have a body! Somehow that damn call had changed him to pure electricity and he was zipping through the telephone wires. He had no idea where he was headed and there was nothing he could do about it anyway. He had no idea how much time had elapsed when suddenly he was changed from electricity to something lighter like radio signals. He was bouncing from one cell tower to another until he was once again changed into electrical atoms as he entered someone’s cell phone circuitry.

“Good day. You have been selected…” The old familiar greeting played until quite unexpectedly Brad was quite forcefully ejected through the speaker, instantly tumbling in darkness like he had fallen into a bottomless pit. Talk about an e-ticket ride. This one was off the scale. His atoms were being rearranged, expanding to fill the void in which he found himself.

“Dang. One of those automated calling systems.” Dan muttered as he reached over the other body in bed to put his cell back on the nightstand, oblivious to the spark that came from the speaker. He cuddled up closer to his bed mate Mike who was sleeping so sound that nothing short of an atom bomb exploding would wake him. Dan always liked to watch his hot lover sleeping. He was so innocent and childlike, dreaming about whom knows what. Dan drifted off himself, relishing that they could sleep in this morning.

“Fuck what time is it?” Brad rolled over to check his alarm clock. To his surprise he didn’t see a clock. He found some strange guy cuddled against him. The last thing he could remember was getting one of those damn robocalls. He hadn’t the slightest idea when he had gone to bed and worse yet he had no clue how some guy wound up with him. Brad was nothing if not straight as an arrow; someone so not queer that the very thought of another guy sleeping with him was enough to give him nightmares for a month. He got out of the bed as quickly as possible without waking the man beside him.

“Ow.” Somebody had put a fucking chair right in his path. Whoa. I don’t think I’m in Kansas anymore Toto. Where the hell am I? He looked down to find he was wearing nothing more than a skimpy little green and white jock but what really shocked him into wakefulness was the rest of what he saw. His usually hairy chest was completely smooth and his torso was totally ripped. Brad had never worked out in his life so the best he could ever muster in the muscle department was a little bicep. Now he had two mounds sitting on top of well-cobbled abs. And speaking of setting on top of things, the jock did nothing to hide his now bulging monster. The rest of him wasn’t bad either; not body builder big but well-toned and definitely sexy.

“What the hell happened to me?” And for the first time he realized his voice was not the deep bass he was used to hearing. In its place was a melodious tenor with quite a Southern accent.

“Come back to bed Mike. We don’t have to get up this morning.” Did that strange guy in bed just call me Mike? This was getting more curious by the minute.

“Go back to sleep babe. I’ll be back in a minute.” Did he just call that dude ‘babe’? That was just plain so wrong. But at the same time it was natural. And that guy in the bed… he was just so delicious looking… Just gazing at the guy sent thrills to his monster and it responded. Brad had never gotten so easily aroused looking at a dude before. He ran as fast as he could to the bathroom he saw nearby. He had to do something about his flag flying at half-mast. He caught his reflection in the mirror, stopped dead in his tracks by what he saw. That can’t be me. He moved his arm and the hunky other man did the same. That is me! I really am somebody else… Mike… that Robocaller… it must have done something to me…

Memories started to swamp his brain and soon after the man that left the bath stared lovingly at his mate Dan. That was some messed up dream he had. Imagine thinking he was some homophobic asshole named Brad. Mike shuddered at the thought. He got back into bed, caressing the warm body next to him. This was going to be a great day.