Tabloid News

Special Guest Appearance Courtesy of The Body Swap Clique

Tom was a lonely bitter man. At 63 he had no family or friends and only left his house to retrieve his mail. He lived vicariously through the gossip rags he subscribed to, the ones that dared profit on anything celebrity (and in some cases faux-celebrity) driven news, true or not.

One bright sunny morning he rushed to his mailbox to get the latest issue of US magazine only to find something else in its place. A brown paper package tied up with string greeted his eager eyes, leaving him quite disappointed that he now wouldn’t be able to find out if Liam and Miley were still a couple or if the Kardashians were hogging the spotlight again. Despondently he trudged back to his house, his day now being less cheerful than before.

Carelessly he threw this unwanted surprise package on his kitchen table, not even bothering to unwrap it to find out what was inside. This package, however, was not about to be ignored and Tom was plagued by curiosity until he could not help himself and he just had to find out what he had received.

Tearing through the wrapping after cutting the string revealed a newspaper he had never seen before.

Cavanaugh’s Celebrity Chatter

Robbie and Stephen Amell: Bitter Rivals?

He had never heard that the two cousins didn’t like each other. In fact, everything he had ever read said just the opposite but the tabloid said they didn’t get along so it must be so. Tabloids don’t lie after all. Yet even odder than that was what he found as he flipped through the pages… or rather what he didn’t find.

Each page beyond the cover was completely blank. No stories. No ads. Nothing. “Stupid rag.” He thought disappointedly to himself. He was about to throw this unwanted waste of time away when he was accosted by a pricking in his fingers. Damn paper must have some sort of ingredient he was allergic to. The feeling spread throughout his body until he found himself writhing in stabbing pain on the floor, unable to find any relief.

After what he thought was an eternity the pain subsided and he could get back onto his feet. His pants fell to his ankles as he stood while his shirt now hung off his torso like a very long nightshirt. A great pressure slammed against the front and back of his body, squeezing him much like a vice, flattening him until he thought his eyes would surely pop out of his head and leaving him as thin as the paper of the tabloid. Tom panicked. What was happening to him?

He found himself floating in mid-air, which his brain was telling him was impossible, being pulled towards the picture of the Amells while his body shrank further, until he settled on the very top of the photo.

A harsh brightness assaulted his eyes, causing Tom to shield his face with his massive hands. He stared in awe at the hands he held in front of him. Large youthful looking hands. He must have fallen and hit his head because these were not his hands by any stretch of his meager imagination.

Tom had no time to ponder further though. A young man came over to him.

“You’re wanted on set, Mr. Amell.” Mr. Amell? His name wasn’t…. but before he could answer the young man had walked away. What did he do now? Looking quickly around the unfamiliar surroundings Tom saw what must be a makeup station, complete with a mirror. He quickly rushed over, staring slack jawed at the reflection. The reflection of Mr. Amell alright.

“Hey cousin. Going to stand around admiring yourself all day?” Tom spun around at the sound of the familiar voice. There in all his glory was another Mr. Amell. Stephen Amell. Dressed as Arrow in his full green leather gear.

The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur as Tom found himself doing physical feats he had never been able to do before, even in his youthful days. With adrenalin pumping throughout his body he thought he could keep this up for hours. He was having fun! Finally done with the shoot, Stephen came over and draped his arm over Tom’s shoulder. “Good day Robbie. Let’s go hit the gym before we head home.”

Hit the gym? What a thought that was but now that he was Robbie the thought excited him. Imagine him parading around the gym in nothing more than shorts and tank top, sweat glistening all over his muscled body, and in the company of his cousin Stephen. Rivals? Not in a million years. He and Stephen were as close as cousins could get.

“Sure.” he told Stephen “Let me go get changed.” That thought struck him as rather amusing, especially since he had already changed once today. He found his way back to what he knew was his trailer. He practically ran to the mirror to get a long look at himself now that he had the chance. Stripping from the leather costume he had been wearing all day, he marveled at just how lean and toned Robbie really was. And he wasn’t too shabby in the nether regions either. Think of the fun he was going to have with that man meat! He changed into his always nearby gym wear when suddenly a thought hit him. What had happened to the real Robbie Amell?

“Don’t worry about that, Tom.” He turned to see Stephen standing in the doorway. How would Stephen know that he wasn’t the real Robbie? “My name is Mr. Cavanaugh. You know… Cavanaugh’s Celebrity Chatter.” Tom thought back to the tabloid he had almost discarded.

“You did this to me?”

“Yes, I did. Like what you see?” Cavanaugh always liked to check in on his “customers” just after he transformed them. “Robbie has no memory of being anyone other than Tom, except I tweaked his life a bit so he isn’t a bitter lonely old man anymore. He has a family and is quite happy. Soon you’ll forget all about Tom and live a full life as Robbie Amell. Time for me to go. I have work to do.” Tom stood there gaping as he watched Stephen contort a bit then regain his composure.

“Come on bro. Get that fat ass of yours moving. We have a workout to do.”

Back in his office Mr. Cavanaugh sat musing. Who would be next to read some tabloid news?