What a Christmas eve. The worst snow blizzard in a century
was howling outside and I just got a call from work. Seems some dumb ass
brought the whole system down and now I needed to go into work to fix their
mistake. Great.
Bad enough I had to bundle up to go out into the bitter
cold and snow but to add insult to injury when I got there it turned out to be
nothing more than someone tripping over a server connection that only had to be
plugged back in. Someone’s boss is going to hear about this one in the morning.
I trudged my way back to my car, which by now had a few
inches of wet snow piled on top of it, and headed back home. So much for my
Christmas eve. Bah humbug.
I finally got back to my warm nest. Now to relax. After
getting out of my wet gear I went to pour myself a drink. That’s when I noticed
this basket by the tree that I swear hadn’t been there before. My curiosity
aroused, I glanced at the colorful tag attached. Ha! “Merry Christmas! From
Santa” was printed in bold golden letters. Santa indeed! I had given up
believing in Santa a long time ago. Still…
I downed my drink, feeling the warmth of the liquor
spreading throughout my cold body, and started to inspect this strange present
further. I picked up one of the four small boxes. It had a silver “1” embossed
on the wrapping. Strange. I looked closer at the remaining three. Each was a
different color and, like the first, had a number on it. I started to open the
box with the “1” on it. It was Christmas after all so I wasn’t breaking any
rules. Nestled inside red tissue paper was a tree ornament of a golden slipper.
While quite beautiful, it did seem like a rather odd gift for a man of my age,
but not really thinking too much about it, I hung it on a branch of the tree
and started to reach for the next box. Before I could reach down to get the
box, a bright light started to emanate from the slipper, engulfing me totally
in blinding whiteness. I must have passed out for some unknown amount of time,
finding myself in strange surroundings when I came to.
My body was craving a smoke, which was odd since I never
indulged a day in my life. Instinctively I reached over to the night stand to
grab a cigarette and lighter. That first hit of nicotine cleared my thoughts,
but why? I swung my feet over the edge of the bed to the waiting softness of
plush carpet below. Awake but still not quite focused, I stood in amazement as
I looked at the room around me. I had never seen such a bedroom before. I
slowly made my way over to glass doors overlooking a porch, feeling my legs
move much more easily than normal. As I opened one of the doors and stepped
out, the piercing cries of seagulls overhead and crashing waves assaulted my
ears. The strong scent of the ocean tickled my nostrils. I stood there for a moment
watching the waves caress the sand, so serene and peaceful. I wondered what the
rest of what I guessed must be a high-priced beach house must be like.
A sudden cool gust of wind made me shiver, making me
realize I had very few clothes on. I looked down to find I was wearing only
boxers. Stranger still, they weren’t on my normal body! Instead of my pasty
thin legs I was looking at well-muscled hairless tan legs. And I had abs and
pecs! Confused, I retreated into the room, trying to decide if this was all a
dream or real. I mean after all how does someone suddenly find themselves in a
different body? My mind was telling me that was simply impossible.
I searched high and low for something to wear but all I managed to find were some slippers and more underwear. Finally, I opened a door to a large walk-in closet where I found a wardrobe full of expensive looking suits and other assorted clothes and accessories, including a full-length mirror. I already knew the body I was occupying was in great shape but the reflection revealed something beyond my wildest imaginings. I was staring at myself with the strikingly crystal blue eyes of Chris Pine!
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, never mind the rush
of adrenaline pumping through my body. Even in my younger days I had never been
this kind of hot. I struck a few poses, the body effortlessly responding to my
every whim with ease. My euphoria at being Chris began to be tempered however
as questions arose in my mind. Was this going to be permanent? If so, how were
people not going to recognize that I wasn’t the real Chris but only a sheep in
wolf’s clothing? I knew nothing about Chris other than he was a handsome actor
that women and men alike drooled over. I certainly was no actor although I did have
the handsome part down quite well without even trying. Without realizing it I
started to form Chris’ beautiful smile as I pushed the questions away from me.
No sense worrying about all those now since I had no choice other than to try
to live my new life. I had no way of going back to my own even if I had wanted
to do so. I might as well enjoy being Chris while it lasted.
I found a simple black tee, some jeans, and a pair or trainers
to wear. The clothes were just the right tightness to show off my impressive
physique yet still be comfortable and practical. I could get used to this.
After hours of exploring what was open – it was still
Christmas after all – I made my way back to the beach. Content and ready for a
good night’s sleep, I expected that I would wake up in my own boring body the next
morning. Morning came, however, and I was still Chris. So, for the time being I
was going to live as a Hollywood A-list actor. Horrible, I know, but hey
somebody had to do it. My personal life
wasn’t too shabby and I found myself growing quite accustomed to being Chris,
enjoying everything looks, fame, and fortune brought. I had nearly forgotten I
was ever anyone other than Chris when Christmas eve came and I suddenly found
myself back at my old apartment in my own body. Everything was as I had left
it, as if my year as Chris had never happened at all. Had it all been some sort
of perverse dream to let me have everything I ever wanted only to take it away
again?
Sighing for my lost life as Chris, I looked down at the three
remaining boxes, wondering if they would induce another perfect dream life for
me. I lifted the box embossed with a red “2” and opened it to find an ornament
of a cassette tape player. Nothing fancy like the golden slipper of before but
an interesting keep sake. I hung it on the tree and… nothing. This one was just
an ornament after all. Rather disappointed I reached for the next box, only to
be surrounded in a cocoon of pop music. I felt like I was floating on each
note, lighter than air. I stared in fascination at my body still sitting by the
tree as I was pulled to some other place. I didn’t have a care in the world
until suddenly everything went dark as I could feel myself being pushed into
something warm. I opened my eyes to find myself sitting by a Christmas tree
with a beautiful woman resting her head on my lap, watching a young boy
excitedly opening presents. Where was I now and, more importantly, who was I?
“Hey hon I’ve got to go pee.” My voice sounded familiar but
I couldn’t quite place it. After gently moving her head from my lap, I rose,
amazed to find I was quite tall. I could feel the powerful muscles this body
possessed as I made my way easily to the bathroom like I knew every inch of the
house I was in. Stepping in and turning on the light, I saw my reflection. I
was Chris again but not Chris Pine. No, this time I came face to face with a
very surprised looking Chris Pratt!
I found myself flexing my new awesome muscles in the
mirror. Dressed as I was in nothing but pajama bottoms I could ogle the way my
muscles popped at my command. This Chris was impressive indeed and with my
morning scruff and a ton of body hair I was one seriously sexy dude. I had to
drag my eyes away from myself to pee as I had come in here to do. Whipping out
Pratt junior, I found myself joshing around as I peed, apparently inheriting
Chris’ well known sense of humor and playfulness. Unlike Pine, I found myself
thinking like Pratt almost immediately and I had loads of fun as I pulled
different faces in the mirror after tucking junior back to bed. Whatever was to
come and for however long it might last, I knew I was going to have some fun
being this Chris.
After getting dressed I headed back to my new family.
Imagine a confirmed old bachelor like I was inheriting a wife and child!
Totally weird but now that I was Chris it felt totally natural and I had a love
I had never known before. Whatever else I may be, I knew I was a devoted
husband and father and family always came first.
By now I knew I would become some Chris when I opened the
next box, this one embossed with a blue “3”. If the pattern held, I would be
another actor and live his life for a year. The only question was what would
this ornament be and whose life would I be experiencing this time? Inside I
found a rather strange looking ornament: a flat disk of red, white, and blue. I
didn’t have time to dwell too much though for as soon as I hung it on the tree
my body exploded into the oddest sensation. I suddenly felt constricted by very
form fitting clothes. I blinked, only to find myself standing beside a young
child in a hospital bed and surrounded by the beaming faces of other children
clamoring for my attention.
“Captain America… me, me…” and then it dawned on me. I was
Chris Evans, dressed in Cap’s trademark suit, and I was spending Christmas time
with seriously ill children, trying to bring a little joy into their otherwise
very hard lives. I nearly broke down as the flood of emotions overwhelmed me.
“Hold on little dudes. You’ll each get your turn. I
promise. Be good little Avenger helpers. Cap has his hands full.” I couldn’t
help but smile as I heard my new Chris’ voice and watched the faces of the kids
light up with excitement. To them they were meeting a real superhero even if I
was only an actor playing one and it made me proud and humble to do this small
favor for them. There are times when being famous has its own perks and this
was one of them. I only wished I could really cure all their problems but that
was beyond my abilities. The room virtually erupted with screams of glee when
Robert Downey Jr. strode in wearing his Iron Man costume. Two Avengers united
for the benefit of our loyal followers. How I wanted this moment to last
forever but I knew it would not. Yet while I was here my heart was so full of
love for the kids and I knew the true meaning of giving at Christmas time. Time
literally flew by as Downey and I entertained the kids with stories of Cap,
Iron Man, and the other Avengers. Soon it was time to say goodbye but not until
we had taken pictures with every child there and signed them as well. I knew I
would sleep well tonight.
Being Chris Evans was a hoot. Besides being incredibly sexy
and the idol of millions of kids, I also had a wicked sense of humor that far
outdid the pranks I had pulled as Pratt. All too soon Christmas rolled around
again and inevitably I found myself back in my old life. That is when it hit
me. Did the actors retain the memories of the past year? They might not
remember what happened to them throughout the year I lived their lives but every
experience was etched deep within my mind and the feelings I had as whichever
Chris were now an indelible part of me.
There was one box left: number “4”, embossed in gold. One
last adventure awaited before I would be back to my own unfulfilled life… or at
least that is what I expected. I opened the box and found… nothing. No
ornament, no note, nothing. Santa had played a cruel trick on me. I tossed the
box aside and was about to discard the basket when I noticed something at the
bottom of the basket underneath the tissue paper where the box had been: a
single white glove. I don’t know why I slipped the glove onto my hand but I
guess my curiosity got the better of me again. As I expected, nothing happened
other than I was sitting there looking utterly ridiculous with this huge glove
dangling from my rather small hand. I went to remove it but found I was unable
to move. I tried to stand but again was unable to move myself from where I was.
Panic set in and with it came the fiercest burning sensation I had ever felt
before. The burning quickly spread throughout my body until I could do no more
than silently scream in agony. What the hell was happening to me this time?
I endured what seemed like hours of sheer torture as my insides
were churning and twisting into God only knows what. I sat there wishing this
was all just a dream, powerless to do anything other than watch in horror as my
clothes and shoes shredded, leaving me completely naked except for the glove on
my hand. My body was visibly pulsing but
at least I found I could move again when the pain abated. Then the changes to
my outer body started…
A red suit covered
my body, black shiny boots encased my feet, and the matching white glove
materialized on my other hand. I rushed to the nearest mirror to watch what was
happening to me. I cringed in terror as I took on the appearance of an old man
– white beard and long white hair hiding my face. Worse yet, I was fat and
heavy! I was a Chris alright – Kris Kringle! I was going to be Santa for a
year?
I turned from the mirror to find myself beside a Christmas
tree in an unfamiliar house. The pack on my back held brightly wrapped presents
and I went to work putting them under the tree. I knew the children were
watching in awe as the Jolly Old Elf himself further decorated their tree.
There would be no sleeping for them or their parents this night!
As soon as I had unloaded the gifts destined to bring joy,
I did the proverbial laying of the finger at the side of my nose, expecting to
be swooshed up the nearby fireplace to a waiting sleigh. Wrong. Nothing
happened. Then instinct took over and I soon found myself in the bathroom, once
again facing a mirror that reflected something I hadn’t noticed before. I might
be fat and round but I was also quite tall. I thought that rather odd for Santa
but then Santa was a magical being after all so anything might be possible.
Quite involuntarily I took off the Santa hat I was wearing. And to my surprise
the white hair came off with it. Flowing
golden blonde locks fell free to my shoulders where the wig had been. This was
Santa?
I became anxious to see what the rest of my body looked
like so ignoring the now exposed fake beard for the moment, I started to remove
the suit. I hadn’t gained fat. I had gained pillows strapped to my body to
create the illusion. Once I removed the
suit and pillows, two steel pecs and chiseled abs greeted my wide eyes. I had
gym-rat style muscles! Removing the gloves, I discovered long, large fingers
hidden inside. I repeated the process, taking off the red pants and boots,
exposing long muscular legs and large feet. Now clad in only the beard and a
pair of black boxer briefs, the head and body didn’t match. What was waiting to
be exposed under that beard?
“Daddy, daddy! Santa came!” I heard very excited children
call as I removed the beard and quickly went to where the sound had come.
Couldn’t let them see Santa was just their dad dressed up. Wait… their dad? I
had children? My wife was standing in the doorway. She hugged me as I entered
the room and I responded by kissing her.
“Go get some clothes on.” I had forgotten I was almost
naked in my rush to get to the tree. I returned to the bathroom, shocked by what
I saw in the mirror.
“Hello Thor!” was all I could think to say, surprised to
hear an accented deep voice flow smoothly from my mouth. My lack of confidence
exerted itself as I quickly lowered my eyes away in embarrassment as I always
did when I gazed upon handsome men. Imagine looking like Chris Hemsworth and
being afraid to look at myself. How was I ever going to live like this?
I found some clothes that I quickly put on, clothes that
did nothing to hide my built body. My mind began to reel as Chris’ strong
personality and memories began to overtake me. I headed back to where my family
waited.
The next year went by in a blur as I lived my new life. All
too soon Christmas eve came and something deep inside began nagging at me, telling
me I should be prepared to go back to my old self as I always had before. I put
my kids to bed one last time, feeling pride and unfettered love such as I had
never known. I kissed my wife goodnight, my emotions getting the better of me
as I knew I was losing the life and love I had always lacked and wanted so
badly. I closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep on this magical Christmas eve.
I opened my eyes to
find myself sitting by the Christmas tree, children… my children… shredding
wrapping as they opened their gifts. Elsa was standing in the doorway, coffee
cup in hand as she glowed with motherly love. We would be seeing Mom, Dad,
Luke, and Liam later but for now it was just us. I was a lucky man. I had an
amazing life. Dreams can come true… and sometimes Santa knows best.
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